When a woman is unexpectedly pregnant it is often the circumstances in her life which present her with problems and not the pregnancy itself. This is a time when a woman can feel uncertain about many aspects of her life – her relationship, finances, housing, study, employment, her own mental resilience and her beliefs. This can be compounded by depressed moods which may occur during pregnancy. You can have a huge impact on whether a woman feels supported and encouraged.

- What do women say? -

‘Lots of people told me it was my choice. I needed someone to tell me they would support me to have my baby.’

‘He said it had to be my choice, but it was his baby too, how is that fair?” - Leanne

Women can feel isolated and abandoned by being told that the choice to continue with a pregnancy and therefore the responsibility is entirely their own. Also, focusing exclusively on the unborn child can lead to women feeling resentment and can be counterproductive. Here are some things you can say that will show you are supportive of her.
    "How are you feeling"
  • Ask her how she is feeling. Her feelings might change a lot during this time: one minute she may feel excited, the next, scared and anxious.

    • "Its okay to feel that way, I’m here to listen."
  • You can help by listening to her and letting her know that it is okay to express her feelings, whatever they are at the time. It is important for a woman to feel that all her concerns and ideas have been heard. Don't jump to any early conclusions about what her decisions might be. It is often important for her to verbalise all the options.

    • “I wanted someone to let me talk through all my options, without making me feel guilty for what I was considering." - Sara
  • Find out what she wants: a listening ear, encouragement or practical help may be all that she needs.

    • “What can I do to support you? What do you need from me a the moment?"
  • There is no rush. Tell the woman that she has time to make a good decision and not to feel pressured into making a rushed decision that she may regret later.

    • “You won’t have to do this alone, we will help you”,
    “There are lots of support available ... lets find them together."
  • Let her know that you will support her during and beyond the pregnancy, that she will not be abandoned or have to do it all by herself.

  • There are often deeper underlying issues that lead to an unexpected pregnancy. Give her space and time to express her feelings. Often she may need reassurance that she can be a good mother.

  • When she brings up a concern, ask her “Tell me more. Lets see what we can do about this."

  • Help her to find out what sort of support is available. The more you can assist her to be part of existing networks, the less isolated and the more empowered and positive she will feel.

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